“I Could Have Done Better”

I took up BS Biology at the University of the Philippines during the first semester of my first year in college. The course I’ve chosen to take was quite bad for me. I have a great interest in Biology since I wanted to become a prominent doctor someday but a lot of things in UP caused me to be uninterested into the course. Unfortunately, chemistry came along with my major subject. God knows how much I hated chemistry during my junior year in high school (and even up to this very moment). Nothing can ever make me like the subject. I simply hate it for some reasons I can’t tell (or maybe I knew but would not tell you for it may sound shallow). I forgot that it is a central science, therefore, it must be taken by any students who took up science-related courses. Adding to my misfortune was our terror chemistry instructor. He wasn’t really a bad teacher. He went to our classes with lcd projector and laptop as his aiding materials. I see him as a bighead lecturer present in class, not to teach his students, but to impress. For me, a good teacher or professor should be able to instill his or her students, not just academic lessons, but life lessons too. Let’s just say, he failed to do the second thing. The problem with him was that he was too conceited. For him, nothing else matters but his works and achievements. He didn’t even know how to give credits to students who have done great and impressive things.

As days passed by, I started to withdraw my interest in the subjects which has affected all the other subjects I have taken. Hey, I didn’t tell you I failed my subjects. I still managed to get my highest score from Dr. Rivero which is my General Biology teacher. I think I deserved to get the highest grade from my major subject. My worst grade (as expected) was given by my Chemistry teacher. Well, I accepted it because I know I didn’t do anything to pass his subject (especially when my mom informed me that I will have to transfer to another university for the next semester). Yes, I attended his classes but that doesn’t mean I’m interested with him and his lessons. He is a pain in my head and ***.

I’m glad because I have proven myself that I am capable of learning while having fun. During my first semester, I combined books and paper works with parties, friends, and a broad menu of things to choose from. Even if I haven’t slept well for the previous night due to parties or sleepovers, I still woke up at 6:00AM for my Biology class. Now tell me that I don’t deserve a lovely grade from my Biology lecture professor. Despite my angst to our chemistry teacher, I still made my chemistry laboratory reports and took down notes during our lectures. Even if I was opening my friendster account in the Atrium, I still did an advanced research for the possible next topic in my social science and philosophy (SSP) subject.

I admit I didn’t do all my best in the first semester. The things I’ve done for my course was attending classes, joining in class discussions and passing all the paper works required by each professor. In those ways, I was able to pass the subjects. Yes, I am contented with my grades but I know I could have done better. I kept telling myself during the break, “If I have these good grades without giving my 100% effort, how much more if I have given my 101%?”. I may sound a smug but it’s really true. My attitude in the way I study was not an attitude of what they call an “iska” o “iskalar ng bayan”. Being a UPian was not easy. Every student within the university grounds has something to be proud of. And I knew I have nothing.

Yes, when I asked for my documents from UP and passed it to Ateneo, I knew I failed. I failed to survive. Some upperclassmen told me that everybody in UP fails in most things, experiences hardships and thinks of commiting suicide. They said, what I really need is to trust myself that I can survive the obstacles for being a UPian. Sadly, I decided to raise the white flag and admitted my defeat. It was never easy for me to leave UP especially that only a few were privileged to be a part of the prestigious university. It was in UP where I found my first friends in college, experienced things I never thought I would and did things for me to know myself better.

I will always keep with me the memories I’ve had in UP. All of those were good (even the chemistry thingy). Why? It’s because of the laboratory instructor. I repeat, laboratory instructor, not the lecturer. Hay, I’ll miss the HH, the Jeepneys, Ate Malou’s kwekkwek, Ate Marichu’s canteen, the Kanluran Food Court, the Elias B. Lopez Hall and the people I’ve been with in those places. *tears falling*

I knew it was God’s will why I spent my first semester in UP. And He also made the plan for my second semester. Whatever he plans for me, I’m more than willing to do it.ü