I Passed The Bar and My Heart Is Full

Yes, I made it to the list of Successful Examinees for the 2019 Bar Examinations. Up to this moment, I still couldn’t believe that I was able to reach my dreams. I’m overwhelmed with all these mixed emotions. 

Well, let me backtrack first. In my grade school yearbook, you will find out that under my name, it says that my ambition is to become a lawyer. To be honest, I cannot remember that I ever said that. Maybe I just wanted to sound cool, or maybe my parents did it for me. How can a grade-schooler know what she wanted to achieve in life, right? 

I continued with my high school studies and proceeded to college. During these times, going to law school never crossed my mind. I just did all the things that a regular student does. Eventually, I graduated from college. During the months leading to my graduation, I knew deep in my heart that I do not have an idea of what to do after I get my college diploma. First of all, I was not interested in finding a job back then. Second, I do not know anything about having my own business. Third, I was such a happy-go-lucky individual that I never really thought of the future.

Fortunately, my father had different plans for me. As a frustrated lawyer himself, he wanted his only daughter to get a chance to live his dream. My father grew up in a poor family who cannot afford him to send to law school. The good thing about my dad is that he never gave up and did everything he can to provide me with everything I needed. He convinced me to go to law school. Since I was clueless about what I wanted to do in life, I did not hesitate and immediately agreed to enroll at the College of Law at Ateneo de Davao University.

I have to say it was one of the best impulsive decisions I have ever made in my life. 

I always say this (and let me re-iterate again): My law school life was a complete roller coaster ride. There were several ups and downs that gave me a sudden rush of emotions every now and then. 

There were glory days when I was able to correctly answer questions asked during recitations, as well as get passing grades for my subjects. I also shared great experiences and memories with the people I meet in law school – studying together in coffee shops, meeting for upcoming events, dining out after a 9PM class, playing during trivia nights, spending overnight at the beach, going out of town, having fun in KTV bars and drinking our hearts out.

At the same time, there were also moments of non-stop crying. I had days of doubting myself and feeling sorry for being such a failure. I had issues, not only with my subjects but also with my relationships with some friends. There were nights when I couldn’t stop crying because I feel helpless. On some days, I wished things were different. I wanted all the pain, frustrations, and self-limiting thoughts to go away. It was frustrating to keep on trying hard to make things rights, but I always find a way to mess it all up. 

The more time I spent in law school, the more I started to realize that my father’s dream is becoming my own. He wanted me to become a lawyer, and as years go by, I began to want the same thing. I think this is the reason why I was able to persevere, despite all the hardships, failures and heartbreaks I encountered in law school.

Fast forward to this day, I COULDN’T BELIEVE THAT I MADE IT THIS FAR. 

I passed the bar. I made it to the list. 

When I saw my name on the list, I can’t explain how I felt. I was overwhelmed.

I looked at the file. There it was. 

My name. 

My father’s dream coming true. 

My dream coming true. 

I cried tears of joy. I felt happy, excited, proud, and grateful. It seemed like all the pain, sadness, and embarrassment that I experienced in law school went away in an instant.

Then…

My phone started ringing, and the notifications from my messaging apps began popping. I ignored all of them so I can call my mother and let her know about the results. When she finally found out that I passed the bar, she cried — and it was at this time that I cried even harder. I knew I had given her something that she has long been praying for. The same thing happened when I called my father. I can sense how proud he is of what I’ve become. What he doesn’t know is that I’m the one who is proud of having him as a father. He did everything he can to help me finish law school. Without him, “134. CUTAMORA, ALGENE MAY, O.” would not have been in the List of Bar Examinations 2019 Passers.

Cliche as it may sound, but I am where I am today because of my Papa and Mama. I will forever be grateful for their never-ending love, support, and understanding. I dedicate today’s success to both of them. 

MY HEART IS FULL.