Sen. Miriam Defensor Santiago: Stand-Up Comedian

“The message is, para fair ang labanan sa susunod, magpadala tayo ng interpreter sa Miss Universe. Ipadala natin si Senator Miriam-Defensor Santiago. Pwede na rin si Kuya Kim Atienza para may kaunting trivia.”

“I never had time to get picked up by any of the males. Because at the time, I was fully convinced that all males had brains of an amoeba.”

“If you want to get yourself confidence, can you please first get in touch with me? So that I can find if your intentions are honorable.”

“So I told her ‘No, why should you get frightened? You should have turned around and confronted your fears. You should have stood up very straight.”

“And then I devoted myself to study the entire day and the entire night. Which was the opposite of what my dormers used to do. They devoted themselves to, let us call it, extra-sexual activities. And when exam week came, they all went to St. Jude, the patron saint of the impossible.”

“Kung magkakaroon ako ng sariling planeta, gusto ko ikaw ang axis nito para sa’yo lang iikot ang mundo ko.”

“Sana facebook status ka nalang para pwede kitang i-like.”

“Ibenta mo na ang bahay mo, tutal dito kana nakatira sa puso ko.”

“Sana naka-off ang ilaw para tayo nalang mag-on.”

“Noodles ka ba? Kasi Lucky Me.”

“Para kang see-saw, kasi pag wala ka, down ako.”

“Para kang holdaper, lahat ibibigay ko sa’yo, huwag mo lang akong saktan.”

“Galing mo din ano? Hindi mo pa ako binabato, natamaan na ako sa’yo.”

“Maglaro na tayo, huwag lang taguan. Kasi a girl like you is hard to find.”

“Sana exam mo nalang ako para sagutin mo rin ako.”

“Bastos ka rin ano? Hindi ka man lang nagpaalam, tuloy-tuloy lang ang pasok mo sa puso ko.”

“Nakalimutan ko pangalan mo eh, pwede ba kitang tawaging ‘akin;?”

“Nakalunok ka ba ng kwitis? Kasi kapag ngumiti ka, may spark.”

“Sana ikaw ang cardiologist ko, para ikaw mag-aalaga sa puso ko.”

“Google ka ba? Lahat kasi ng hinahanap ko, sa’yo ko natagpuan.”

“Sana scientist ako, para ikaw ang lab ko.”

“Tindera ka ba ng yosi? Kasi you give me Hope and More.”

“Para kang cactus, kasi handa akong masaktan, mayakap ka lang.”

“Pag wala ka, ang buhay ko ay parang lapis na hindi pa natatahalan. Pointless.”

“Once I entered politics, it became natural. Being a civil god-fearing law-abiding citizen for me to lose my temper because politicians are —-.”

“Hindi ko naman sinabi na maganda ako. Ang sinasabi ko lang, pangit ka.”

“Tuwing nakikita kita, gusto kong magsorry sa mga mata ko.”

“Don’t do that. Why should you be so shy or so embarrased. So I told her, ‘when someone tell me ang ganda mo, i tell them sana ikaw din.'”