Coffee and Conversations: Brewing Life Stories, One Post at a Time
Today, I had another realization. While I was listening to my teacher’s lecture during our Legal Counseling class, a classmate called my attention and handed his phone to me. He wanted me to read a message which said “Classmate mo ni Algene? Nabanggaan daw iyang sakyanan.” In our dialect, it means that my car, which was properly parked outside the school, was bumped by some driver who probably should not drive at all.
I won’t deny the fact that I’m completely pissed off about it. I had to skip my class right away and run in heels just to deal with the problem. But it has always been my weakness that whenever someone says sorry, all my feelings of remorse against that person suddenly fades away. Since the driver already said sorry, who am I not to take it? At least she was responsible enough to own up to her mistakes and ask for an apology. So instead of getting angry about it, I just need to let it go and find ways on how we can both fix my car.
What happened earlier got me thinking: No matter how much you take good care of stuff, there is still a possibility for its destruction that may be brought about by some outside force. Even if you give your all in treasuring something, some people can still destroy it consciously or unconsciously. This only reminds me that I can never be sure of anything in my life. There will always be uncertainties. No matter how hard I try to prepare for the good stuff, there is a big possibility that I may fail or get frustrated. Maybe I should try relaxing more — by not worrying so much about tomorrow, by living for today, by “really” seizing the day. I know I kept on saying that I am cool with everything, that I accept things easily and that I can move on in a snap of a finger… But the truth is: I am paranoid. I am fearful. I am terrified of what might happen if I do this or that. I get upset when my plans do not work well and it is something that I really need to change as soon as possible.
I hate the feeling of “not knowing” but I guess, this is just how it works. It may be uncomfortable not knowing how things may unfold but I have to deal with it. I need to keep my cool. I have to enjoy the little moments. Focusing too much on the end point may prevent me from enjoying the ride. It’s time to just chill and wait.
Hakuna Matata. It means “no worries for the rest of my days.”
Ending this post with: I want movement, not a calm course of existence. I want excitement and danger and the chance to sacrifice myself for my love. I feel in myself a superabundance of energy which finds no outlet in our quiet life. – Leo Tolstoy